Keeping Positive-Awesome Self-Esteem

Children begin to develop a self-concept very early in life. They are totally responsive to the myriad of feelings swirling around them coming from their parents, relatives and their friends. Ever since my son was old enough to talk, his father and I were determined to shape and foster his self-esteem at every opportunity. As Montessori teaches, zero to 6 years of age are the formative years when children simply absorb and model all the inputs. With all our encouragement, and hearing that he can and will conquer the most evasive task, he grew with a healthy amount of confidence, and feeling awesome about himself. It's easy to look back and say well we did this or that, but the truth is it's just not easy to be supportive round the clock, one hundred percent of the time. That is the key, though. Keeping parenting positive and support constant, day after day, even when it seems almost impossible.

How do you keep positive and make comments praiseworthy and encouraging? If he does something bad, like writing on the wall with a marker, try, "You are a good boy, right?" He will agree. "So any idea why you did that because it really is a mighty mess and that doesn't seem too good to me". He'll think about it. He'll also think about it when next he tries to do it again. Or "you pushed that little girl at school. Huuun. Big boys don't push girls." It's surprising how much this kind of comment sticks in the forefront of the mind, probably because it was not expected the first couple of times. This kind of interaction helps him believe in himself because now he has to think about the effect of what he does. Trying to shape his mistakes and mishaps into opportunities to learn can be challenging. Like any preschooler, he is going to be plain difficult sometimes. Like, sometimes he might be afraid to sleep by himself at night;

1. try thinking of focusing on the lights in the room or
2. promise to do some new, innovative activity tomorrow or
3. stay that extra 10 minutes when you are really tired and want to go to bed yourself or
4. just calm yourself by thinking about that wonderful day when he will go to bed without nagging.

As I always say, keeping positive is a task that brings huge rewards for you and the kids.

Of course, not every situation works out so well and sometimes, a child's actions put them in direct harm. Scream if you must as you suddenly realize the danger, but try not to let it all hang out. Keep a watch on the "careless", the "stupid" and the "crazy" so as not to send a mixed signal. Calm yourself down first, and then explain what a dangerous situation that was. Raising a preschooler will be filled with daily ups and downs. Every action, be it a good one or a bad one, is an opportunity to reiterate your child's strengths, and remedy their shortcomings with positivity. Even when the behavior defies your child's true character, or puts s(he) in danger, you have to keep your responses level. A bad incident is no reason to abandon the kind and understanding disposition you generally convey to your little one. Development is a gradual process. It does not happen overnight. Learning how to behave builds day by day and needs re-enforcement and guidance. Keeping parenting positive, constant and consistent is just one more step in the right direction when it comes to building that self-esteem, that sense of "awesome" in your kid, and will bring the results you are looking for.

Eleanor Wint (Ph.D.) researcher, teacher, author of Parenting Book, "I Like Me", Visit me at http://www.kids31.com, http://www.eawpublications.com/blog/

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