Parents, relatives and friends often have a tendency of calling twins, "the twins", "the girls" or "the boys". Technically, there is nothing wrong with those terms. But, it can make your twin toddlers feel they are unappreciated as individuals. Make it a point to call them by their names. Also, try to change the order of their names when you call them. For example, if you frequently say "Dan and David", jumble it up and call them "David and Dan" every now and then. This way, you avoid making one twin feel he is always second best.
Never Compare
It is not unusual for parents to praise the twin who walks first, eats faster or reads earlier than the other. Remember, twins may share the same birthday but that does not mean they grow at the same rate. Avoid labeling one twin as "the strong one" just because he does not cry more often than the other. Labels can be very lethal as it will strip your toddler's confidence and make him feel weak. Respect each twin's attributes and flaws.
Do Not Dress Your Twins Alike
Twin babies look really cute when they wear matching clothes. But once they enter toddlerhood, dressing them identically will not encourage individuality. Allow each toddler to choose his own clothes. If toddler A wants to wear a jumper while toddler B prefers t-shirt and shorts, let them. This will help your twin toddlers explore their tastes and show off their unique characteristics.
Give Each Twin His Own Stuff
When your toddlers start growing up, sharing becomes an issue. They will want their own things, so never force them to share. There are some things they can share (e.g. stroller, bouncy seat) while there are other things they should call their own (bed, sippy cup, plate, clothes, toys, etc.).
Support Their Interests
In order to raise twins with individual identities, it is very important to encourage them to follow their individual interests, hobbies or sports. Just because they are twins, does not mean they have to do things together all the time. If one twin loves playing the piano, enroll him in a piano class and the other can take dance classes to polish his dancing skills. This will give them personal space and time to flourish as an individual.
Have One-on-One Time
It is good to spend time with your twins. But, having one-on-one time with each toddler is essential so you can create and strengthen your relationship with each twin. For instance, you can take toddler A to the park, do an activity, cuddle or talk in the morning while you can spend the afternoon reading a book, playing or going to the zoo with toddler B.
Commend Your Twins Individually
Give the other twin a hug for making his bed and the other a kiss for putting his toys away. Cook their favorite foods when they do something good. This will teach them to feel confident in their own skills and will reassure them that they are seen as individuals, rather than just "the twins".
Always bear in mind that twins are not a package deal. They may look and act alike, but they have their own personality which you have to love and nurture so they can blossom into fine individuals.
Andrew owns a website that provide guidance to toddler parenting and more. You can visit his website at: http://www.toddlerhub.com/
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