Longitudinal studies show that the authoritative parenting style, also defined as balanced and assertive-democratic, has had more success more than any other parenting style listed above. This unchallenged success in due to promoting healthy principles that reinforce good behaviour in children while gradually eliminating negative influences without limiting their freedom of expression and innate exploring instincts. Authoritative parenting allows us to see discipline as a five-steps-process:
1. Set out limits and rules
Begin with letting your children know the standards you set and the expectations that you have from them. Then continue with deconstructing each goal into subcomponents or basic rules of achievement. While as a parent you can set firm limits and controls on your children's actions, remember that you also need to encourage independence, free exploration and self-reliance. The most important part of this stage is actually finding the right balance between limits and freedom. Freedom without limitations equals indulgence or neglect, and limitations without freedom leads to an authoritarian parenting style.
2. Follow through and re-adapt
The second step to an effective discipline program is monitoring your children's behaviour and evaluating the results. Figure out to which degree they comply with your rules. This activity should be done on a daily basis, preferably ending with a small discussion with your children about what they are doing right and what can be improved. Listen carefully to your children's input on each rule and take into consideration their suggestions to improving the system. It is essential that you make them feel that they are the key changing factor, that you trust their judgement and decision-making.
3. Be Consistent
Thirdly, punishing misbehavior has to be done consistently and in a measured manner. Avoid reprimanding arbitrarily or violently, and always point out what your children have done to deserve the punishment. Create a list of things that your children do not enjoy doing, from least to most dreaded, and apply them after a careful analysis, making sure that the punishment fits the crime.
4. Give praise
The forth step encourages parents to reinforce positive behaviour and actions by giving praise whenever children to the right thing. Needless to say, parental responsiveness includes being aware of the child's progress and acting accordingly when he/she displays the desired behaviour. This step ensures that your child is verbally awarded and is given recognition for his/her efforts, both essential to building self-esteem.
5. Stay calm
All things considered, change starts with improving yourself first before trying to make a difference in the world. Thus, as a parent you must set out a positive model when handling stressful or difficult situations. Be calm no matter how much your children test your patience!
Abigail Simmons is Author of Positive Parenting Secrets Book. She has helped many parents solve their parenting problem using her practical positive parenting techniques. To learn more about her parenting tips and techniques, please visit http://www.101ParentingResources.com
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