I have four children, ages 13 to 17 covering grades 7 through 12. Three of my kids are female, one is male, and each bring their own challenge, joy, stress, and happiness. Their Facebook involvement goes from the youngest not having an account to the oldest, a female 17 year old in her senior year, that posts constantly.
I quickly learned when the 15 ½ year old daughter created a Facebook account against my wishes, behind my back, at age 12, I needed to understand and follow what was going on. Thanks, in part, to her, I gained the wonderful education that Facebook is a parent's best friend.
Before going any further, I want to begin with the obligatory security concerns. Parents must set FIVE (5) concrete rules BEFORE allowing any child under 18 to have a Facebook account.
1) At least one parent must have a Facebook account and the child must be "friends" with any/all parents and any family member up to and including 3rd cousins twice removed, that ask to "friend" them.
2) Never, ever, ever, under ANY circumstance, be "friends" with anyone they don't personally know, with the exception of parental permission based on rule #1.
3) Parents not only are allowed the password, and the authority to log in as the child, any day, anytime, anywhere; the parent sets the security permissions.
4) Remind the child that their "digital footprint" lasts forever. What they post at age 14 could come back and haunt them at age 32, be smart, be responsible. This includes talking to their friends about "tagging" them in pictures. Your child's friends must understand they need permission to tag.
5) Be aware of "data leakage" and routinely search the Internet for any information that may go from Facebook to other accounts. I once found a picture of myself on another person with my name, a man in Alabama. I also caution on the amount of personal data placed on the profile, this goes for all Facebook users. For example, don't use your exact birthdate as some websites use that data as a password security question.
Once these rules are established, implemented, followed, and policed, Facebook away, as the following reasons make Facebook a parent's best friend.
1) See who your kids' friends are. Does your child connect with the suicidal, lonely, drug obsessed Goth chicks? How about the band geeks? Jocks? Nerds? When my daughter was 12 she was friends with a 15 year old boy that "liked" Quagmire. I immediately told her to "unfriend" and never talk to him again. She was, shall we say, perplexed, by my awareness and engagement.
2) Understand your child's interests. My oldest adores Cosplay, Dr. Who, and Anime. She posts all the time about these interests and I get to see what her current fancy is and engage her at dinner or, even, shock of all shocks, ask her if she wants to watch the new episode of Sword Art Online.
3) Observe how they speak/behave in a public forum. Does your child berate friends for their interest? Do they comfort and help friends that are suffering? Do they post happy quotes? My youngest likes to quote books she's reading and share with her friends. Seeing a child share in a public forum is a great way to see their growth and maturity.
4) Talk to ALL of their friends at once (or just one). Comment on one of your kids' post and any/all of their friends can see it. I love engaging the 16 and 17 year olds with conversations about college and what they plan to do in the next year or two. I think the kids kind of get a kick out of seeing a parent engaged, well, at least that's what I tell myself.
5) Share, learn, and grow with your child. It's a wonderful shift when kids start teaching parents. I will admit, I learn a lot from my kids through Facebook. Hearing their concerns and fears, watching when they post their school schedule, comprehending their excitement/devastation when the season of a favorite reality show comes to an end, looking at the pictures they and their friends share. There's so much benefit and joy that comes from learning and growing with your child from Facebook, only those that engage can understand.
All in all parents can achieve great benefit with Facebook. Rather than shy away due to media hype or fear of technology, the positive results of engaging children with Facebook, in my opinion, far outweigh the potential drawbacks. With a solid understanding of the rules and security, up front, the entire family can, and should, benefit from children utilizing Facebook.
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