Don't worry that your children are going to be permanently scarred by your divorce, because if you handle it correctly, there's no need for this to happen. Allow them the freedom to love both parents. Never try to turn them against your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. They need both parents and the ability to see each of them without fearing they're being disloyal to either. Keep your own worries to yourself. Your children don't need to share them with you, and trying to unload your burdens onto their shoulders is both unfeeling and a disregard for what's in their best interests.
When your child returns from a visit with their other parent, resist the urge to question them all about their time there. Show interest in what they did, but never try to snoop by putting them in the middle. In the same way you don't want to denigrate your spouse to the children, you probably don't really want to hear remarks that your spouse said about you or know if he or she never mentions you at all. Probing too deeply can only end up hurting everyone and making the situation more acrimonious.
Keep everything in your lives on as even a keel as you possibly can. Don't change your parenting style. Your children need you to be the same person you've always been for them. Don't introduce major changes in their lives, either. Although some things may have to change, such as your getting a job and taking them to day care, keep routines as regular as you can, don't move to a new place unless there's absolutely no way to avoid it, and maintain the environment they've always known. Take the middle ground which means that you shouldn't spend all your time around them crying and moaning, nor should you try to assuage guilt on your own part by showering them with gifts.
Encourage your child's interaction with the other parent. Make every effort to allow visitation, and let the child call their other parent with information about school events or big things that happen in his or her life. If, in spite of your best efforts you are seeing negative behaviors popping up, be sure to seek assistance from a counselor, because you don't want these actions to continue or to worsen. By using every trick in the book, you should be able to bring your children through the dark period following your divorce and back into a normal, healthy childhood.
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