Most children up to the age of 5 or 6 are not mentally equipped to understand complex concepts such as cognitive dissonance, responsibility of one's own actions, dilemmas or morality, for that matter. However, parents, through appropriate parenting techniques, can teach their children that lying is the cowardly way of getting out of a bad provoked situation and that telling the truth is a sign of self-respect and integrity.
By taking into account a child's probable motifs to lie, one can eliminate the cause and with it, the effect: lying.
· Fear of punishment
This is the number one reason why children lie: they imagine that the consequences of their misbehavior are so big, that they prefer to avoid finding out and lie instead. When confronted with the lie, children will either stick to their story, inventing other lies on the way, or will blatantly say the truth. One way of destroying their fear or punishment is by teaching them that if they tell the truth from the beginning, they get a free pass once and after that the consequences will increase directly proportional with their behavior. So that if they tell the truth next time they only get a 5 minutes time-out, but if they tell a lie instead, they get grounded for one day without TV.
· Imitating parents' behavior
Parents are not always aware of this, but children have the tendency to imitate everything they do or say. So that, if mommy tells her employer that she is sick and wants a day leave from work, but then tells her child that she only did it so they could spend some time together, the child will start believing that the cause excuses the means. Although this is an example of a white lie, children actually tend to judge everything according to a pattern parents set out for them, whether defective or positive. So that, parents should first of all assess their own relationship with the truth, honesty and integrity, before asking from their child something they cannot do themselves.
· Seeking attention
Sometimes, children will intentionally set a trap for their parents in order to get recognition, attention and generally, to be the center of discussion. Lying is the tool they use for deceiving and manipulating, and although it sounds Machiavellian, parents should see it as their child's cry for help; they should sit down to talk things through calmly without punishing the child's attempt at opening up and being honest.
Abigail Simmons is Author of Positive Parenting Secrets Book. She has helped many parents solve their parenting problem using her practical positive parenting techniques. To learn more about her parenting tips and techniques, please visit http://www.101ParentingResources.com
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