Divorced Parents - Tips For Parenting After Divorce

Divorce statistics from the US Census Bureau indicate that as many as 61% of divorces involve families with children under 18. Parenting is difficult under the most ideal circumstances, parenting after divorce can seem like an impossible task. In most cases the divorce process is not amicable. The two parents are not on good terms and co-parenting can seem unattainable but for the sake of your children you need to do your best to work with their other parent. This will ease the transition of the children from life as a nuclear family to life with divorced parents.

While not comprehensive and definitely not guaranteed to make parenting after divorce easy, the following tips can greatly increase your effectiveness as parents.

For All Divorced Parents:

• Your children are hurting as much or more than you are
• Don't try to get them to take sides
• Your children still need two parents involved in their lives
• Try to make major parenting decisions together
• Be flexible with visitation schedules when possible
• Give your kids as much say as possible on when they see their other parent
• Your children will likely still have hopes of you re-uniting with your ex for years after the divorce
• Your children may not be supportive of you dating
• Your children don't want to hear you bad-mouthing their other parent
• Your children don't want to be used as messengers
• Don't over-extend yourself financially to maintain all of their pre-divorce activities and lifestyle.

For Custodial Parents:

• Your children still love and miss the non-custodial parent
• Keep the non-custodial parent informed of school, sports, and church events
• Don't use the excuse that the child support was late for not doing things, even if that is the reason.

For Non-Custodial Parents:

• Your children want to know you care by spending time with them
• Your children are hurt deeply if you don't show up when you are supposed to
• Don't substitute money or gifts for spending time with your children
• Your children want you to come to their school, sports, or church activities
• Your children want to hear from you regularly even if you can't be with them
• You have a moral and legal obligation to pay child support. Just do it.
• Don't expect all of your support money to be spent specifically on the kids, That's not how it works

These are just a few bits of advice for parenting after divorce. Each situation is different so all of these may not apply in your case, but if you can implement as many as possible your children will thank you for it.

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