As a mum of three, this issue is very important to me. I've done a lot of research, seeking a mutually respectful way to get children motivated.
There is a peaceful way to motivate your children.
It takes patience and dedication but that's OK. The very fact that you're reading this tells me that you have what it takes. You are ready to try something new.
Here goes.
The Five Keys To Motivation
If you want to motivate your children, there are five key strategies that will help.
Don't worry about implementing them all at once - just pick a single thing that you can use today. When you start seeing results, add in the other strategies for greater success.
Motivated children have:
1. Positive attention
Remember that refusing to cooperate is an attempt to get your attention. Don't give it. Instead, focus on noticing the positive things that your child does (however small).
A child who feels noticed and appreciated is much more likely to cooperate with you.
2. Autonomy
However young your child is, they want to do things for themselves. Every time you try to take over or help, you are giving the unconscious message, "You are not capable."
A child who feels trusted to be responsible is more likely to cooperate.
3. Rules and routine
Although some (age-appropriate) responsibility is beneficial, all children appreciate boundaries and rules. Having firm routines in place makes it easier to ensure that chores are done.
If it is always tidy-up time at 4 o'clock, for example, this becomes an immovable habit rather than a cause of conflict.
4. Rewards
If your child has to do some chores, it is good to offer an incentive. The reward doesn't have to cost money - it can be as simple as getting a heartfelt 'thank you' and genuine appreciation from you.
A child whose efforts are appreciated feels more motivated to help.
5. Consequences
In life, all actions have consequences. Rather than attempting to punish a child who hasn't done their chores, let them experience the natural consequences of their decision. Perhaps they are not allowed to go out with their friends until their job is done. Maybe they miss out on some pocket-money if you have had to pay someone else to do the task.
Children who are allowed to experience the real consequences of their actions learn to be self-motivated and responsible.
Too Much?!
That's a lot to take in, I know.
Remember, you don't have to get all these strategies right at once. Just choose one thing you can use straight away.
But beware. Many well-meaning parents inadvertently make their children less motivated.
Don't be like them!
Here are some common pitfalls so you can avoid them.
Top Three Motivation Mistakes
1. Nagging
Nagging not only creates resentment, it also gives too much attention to negative behaviour. When your child knows what is expected of them, leave them to it and let them know that they are trusted to be responsible for the task.
2. Inconsistency
Parents who fail to follow-through with the consequences of an action are teaching their child to be irresponsible. When your child knows that you mean what you say, they learn to take responsibility for their actions.
3. Overreacting
Becoming angry about mistakes or non-compliance is intimidating and gives the child the message that they are not 'good enough'. Calmly letting the child experience the natural consequences of their behaviour lets them learn to be responsible and self-motivated.
Now What?
There's no such thing as the 'perfect parent'. Success comes from even the tiniest changes. I suggest you pick just one strategy to implement today.
Remember, motivated children have:
- Positive attention
- Autonomy
- Rules and routine
- Rewards
- Consequences
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Rachel_C_Pattisson
