Toddlerhood does not have to be a bad time - for either of you. In fact, it should be the best of times for your child and for you as you share the journey of learning and growing together. And it is worth remembering that you are not alone. Many parents have similar problems with children between two and four. As the toddler fails to cope, they frequently throw tantrums when things do not fit with what they wanted and the emotions flow strongly. It is nothing unusual.
It is not worth worrying overly if you are having problems. Keep reminding yourself that it is all about your child finding their way in life at what is for them, a tricky time. It is absolutely nothing to do with your qualities as a parent - you are not a bad parent, just a parent waiting to learn a better way that works for your specific toddler.
They're learning and changing so much both mentally and physically that sometimes it's hard for them to take in and process all of these new emotions and experiences. This is a time of great change. What is more is they do not have the communication tools that we can command - the word "no" comes out a lot.
Here are some easy ways to deal with the problems associated with the terrible twos and the toddler tantrums that come along for the ride and for when it just seems so hard:
1. Stay calm and do not get mad if your child wants his or her way. The best thing you can do is just be there. With you there, they can become successful in their adventures. Never mind that their adventures may seem little to you - it's a big deal for them.
These adventures are often totally harmless and not a problem at all. Be aware that this is part of a wider scope of your toddler's activities and interests. With that insight you can find the path forward. Put yourself in your child's shoes for a while and think about the things they have learned, are learning and have yet to learn.
2. Your child needs time from you. Find a good balance of quality time and enough time with your child. Do not fall into the trap that many parents do who think that full attention for only ten minutes a day is enough. Children require much more time than that with their parents each day.
Stay calm if your child is constantly calling for your attention. The child is just looking to tell you or show you something. This need not take a lot of time. It is amazing how a little amount of attention will help your child get along the path. Delight in the sharing rather than begrudge it.
3. When a toddler is unable to hold in his emotions, his emotions will suddenly explode in what is popularly called a tantrum. Tantrums are not that hard to understand. They occur because of pent-up emotions that your child cannot express any other way. They simply have not yet learned how to cope or how to express their feelings. These feelings seem so strong that they produce strong negative emotions. The toddler does not understand your issues, only his or hers. Keep quiet and let the child finish the tantrum. Let it flow and it will go. When it has all gone by is the time to talk about it and talking in their language, not yours.
4. The terrible twos toddler will often put out some strange behaviours. Ignoring is a powerful tool if you want to make changes, but this does need to be selective and strategic. For example, a child will say something out of the blue, like "damn". Often, this is no more than the child simply be laying down a bit of a challenge to see how you will react.
The child will soon forget the word because he or she does not know what it means - as long as it is not commonly used around the home, that is. You will need to be consistent with this approach and it helps to get your partner to do the same.
5. Possibly one of the most important approaches for the terrible twos is routine. The compliant baby copes quite well with the ever changing things in life. The toddler starts to struggle. Routine is what they respond to as it provides a level of structure and certainty which can become a comfort zone. Create one.
An experienced parent aiming to help others to live their dreams, to breathe their dreams. Getting a grasp of Terrible Twos Information will help you to live yours.
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