Positive Discipline for Your Teenagers Helps You to Connect

Identifying the most effective discipline techniques is truly one of your most significant jobs as a father or mother. It could possibly turn out to be hard to deal with your own young children if they make it to the terrible 2's, and without correct instruction, they will have problems understanding the thought of right and wrong. The way you discipline them over these formative years tends to make them accountable and respectful folks later on.

Bad training will cause your kids to act out even more. Implementing positive discipline for toddlers helps your own little ones fully understand their faults better and avoid repeating these decisions in the future. Here are some straightforward ways for you to enforce good discipline.

Be Consistent and Firm

It is the most significant issue to reflect upon before trying other discipline techniques. You will need to carry out and uphold strict limits and rules. Small children learn by force of habit, and it is possible to direct them towards doing the appropriate thing by reinforcing smart behavior and penalizing bad ones. Do not be scared to withhold their privileges if they disobey you. Expressing to all your kids that you are firm and reliable helps them realize there are repercussions for their decisions.

Explain the Points Behind their Consequence

Your own children's self-esteem is merely starting to form during the toddler years. Some may think you no longer love them if you punish them for an action. Before performing all your punishment, explain why you are punishing them, what makes their actions wrong, and how they can avoid punishment next time. Use language that they will understand. This will assure them that you still love them while instructing them that there are things they may and may not do. This positive discipline for toddlers teaches your own youngsters to respect your own authority and your own boundaries.

Acknowledge Smart Conduct

Maintain a balance between reprimanding your little ones and rewarding their excellent actions. Giving your own little ones rewards for their positive habits is one of the proven effective discipline techniques. Acknowledge the things they do right more than you note their faults. This will help them develop more self-esteem and reinforce very good behavior at the same time.

You don't have to give your own young children candy or toys all the time. The way you think determines the decisions you make which determine the actions you take. Thomas Edison said that thinking is the most difficult discipline of all. It takes real effort to think. People just can't stop bombarding their minds with sensory input such as TV, radios, music and games on their smart phones. Try to sit in solitude for 20 minutes when you have a major problem in your life. Everybody who practices it will tell you that you will start to hear the still small voice. The still small voice will shout to you in a big way. You can also always talk to someone else in great detail and be open to doing something completely different. You should implement your own boundaries and offer rewards at once no matter where you are.


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15 Parenting Strategies That Prevent the Need for Discipline

There are two ways you can approach parenting: one, from a reactive place and two, from a proactive place. Although you need to know and consistently use a simple, loving and effective discipline approach like I teach my clients, it is important, if not crucial, to learn proactive ways of avoiding misbehaviours in the first place.

What are the benefits of learning these "avoidance" or proactive strategies, other than not having to discipline so much? Well, all of the proactive parenting strategies actually deepen the bond you have with your child causing your child to want to refrain from misbehaving. Having close, emotional bonds with your child also ensures that their emotional "tank" is filled, so they don't NEED to misbehave to try and get something they feel is missing.

Over and above this, using proactive parenting strategies increases your child's sense of self worth by helping them create the image and accepting the image that they are trustworthy, responsible, respectful and cooperative.

Here are my top 15 positive parenting parenting strategies parents can take to help prevent misbehavior and the need for discipline.

1) Set clear, consistent rules.

2) Make certain the environment is safe and worry-free.

3) Show interest in the child's activities.

4) Provide appropriate and engaging playthings.

5) Encourage self-control by providing meaningful choices.

6) Focus on the desired behavior, rather than the one to be avoided.

7) Build children's images of themselves as trustworthy, responsible and cooperative.

8) Expect the best from the child.

9) Give clear directions, one at a time.

10) Say "Yes" whenever possible.

11) Notice and pay attention to children when they do things right.

12) Take action before a situation gets out of control.

13) Encourage children often and generously.

14) Set a good example.

15) Help children see how their actions affect others.

It is important for you to remember that child misbehavior is impossible to prevent completely. They are learning about how their world works by experimenting, and lucky you, you get to be their professor! Now, although misbehaviour is normal, that doesn't mean it has to be constant or intense. Mild misbehaviour is what we're after.

We want to shorten their learning curve, and the way to use the proactive strategies listed above consistently. Doing this, you will prevent 90% of all misbehaviours. For the other 10% learn a simple, loving and effective method to discipline and be consistent with it.

Erin Kurt, B.Ed, spent 16 years as a teacher and nanny around the world. Now, she applies her expertise as a parenting expert and author of Juggling Family Life and The Life Balance Formula.
You can learn more about Erin and her simple, loving parenting method, and subscribe to her weekly parenting tips e-zine at erinparenting.com. You'll also receive Erin's free video series "8 Secrets to Stress-Free Parenting", packed with parenting tips!

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3 Discipline Methods of Authoritative Parenting

Of all the parenting styles, the authoritative parenting is the one that puts the desires, feelings and needs of their children first. This is even true when it comes to discipline. These parents practice assertive disciplinary methods. Even when disciplining their children, these parents firmly believe in open communication, allowing the children to express themselves in an assertive, yet respectful manner. Here are three disciplinary methods used in authoritative parenting, which is considered the most effective of parenting styles:

1. Negotiation -Authoritative parenting involves negotiating with the children when disciplining them. They discuss the expectations and allow explanations for why the rules were broken. It is important to the parents that their kids understand why what they did was wrong. The kids are free to discuss the situation openly with the parents in hopes of getting a better understanding. The ultimate goal is to come to a clearly understood agreement for the future.
2. Emotions -Authoritative parenting is based on controlling the child's behavior, but not their emotions. Parents never resort to psychological games. They want their children to feel good about themselves, inside and outside. Therefore, they encourage positive feelings in their kids, even when it's time for discipline. Instead of practicing sneaky tactics, these parents freely communicate their own feelings without trying to make the children feel guilty about their mistakes.
3. Rewards -Authoritative parenting is about nurturing the needs of the children. This means rewarding them for their achievements and good behavior. This doesn't necessarily mean buying them expensive gifts, although this is sometimes done for great accomplishments. The actual idea is to make sure the children know that their parents are proud of them. The open communication between them creates a forum for expressing positive thoughts about the children. This is very helpful when it comes to discipline. It shows consistency with communication so the children don't feel like the only time their parents talk to them is when they've done something wrong.

Discipline Techniques

Your discipline techniques will be greatly affected by the parenting styles you choose to follow. Authoritative discipline techniques are fair and consistent. These parents have higher expectations than with some other parenting styles. The high level communication they have with their children ensures that they know what these expectations are. When the rules are broken, authoritative parents are very consistent with administering the expected and already discussed disciplinary actions. This helps to create a sense of self-discipline within the children of authoritative parenting households.

Learn more effective ways of authoritative parenting when you visit http://authoritativeparentingstyles.com/

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What Happens When 'Mr Perfect' Isn't Always (Perfect)

"Our child is 'Mr Perfect' so whatever goes wrong makes him angry. Before he was just screaming, now he is shouting "Don't take it, it's mine; I won it, you lost; I was first."

He wants to be the best and most of the time when others create competitions such as who will be first by the door or who will jump further, he gets frustrated when he loses. Then he shouts that he won, not the other child, he cries and we don't know why he is taking it so seriously.

He's just learned how to ride a bike but he is not as fast as other children his age, so he was getting really upset. When others were just passing him he was shouting that he is faster and they are slow, that he will throw away their bikes into the bin."

When I consult on situations like this, it flags up a number of things for me and I want to share these with you to help you begin to see WHY this behaviour is coming about so that we can begin to figure out how to help:

Self- awareness is a deficit of autism that many struggle with and this can be improved. But as you may be aware: solve one issue and another arises. When a child's self awareness improves it can mean that they start to see differences between themselves and peers and begin to notice that their abilities differ also. The repercussions of this means that it can shake their competence levels and make them more competitive in certain situations.

Essentially this comes down to feelings of incompetence; if we feel good at something then we want to do more of it. Let's face it, no one likes to feel like they are not good at something and this applies to children too, if not more so.

If we are feeling incompetent at something we want to make ourselves feel better. There are various ways to go about this:
• This particular child has chosen to use his language to put others in their place that he is first / better / winning / winner etc. This will help to affirm to himself that he is competent.
• Sometimes you will find children 'give up' on trying to achieve something if they have come to the decision that they will never be any good at it, they avoid trying, avoid the activity altogether.
• Some children will create resistance around the activity so that it becomes difficult to engage them in the interaction and that eventually leads parents or guides to give up because they don't know how to handle it.
• Some children will create their own static situations as a replacement for any activity or interaction they don't feel competent in.
• Some children will make it an obsession of theirs to become an expert at it and will not leave the activity alone until it is mastered.

What can we do to help in these situations?

I find that having the groundwork in place makes a huge difference to how this is approached. You must come to understand that something like this has developed over a period of time and it will take many, often hundreds or more, interactions to help change this by learning through experiences.

• Develop competence - always have this in mind, you always want to be developing your child's competence in whatever it is they are doing. You can do this by guiding them and scaffolding to support them.

• Discuss differences - help your child to understand that everybody is different; everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Discuss yours and help them identify theirs.

• Spotlight process not product - when the true focus of interactions are on the process rather than the end product, being a winner or the best gets put aside; it is not as important as participating and enjoying the time spent together.

• Reassurance - give your child reassurance that where they are at is just perfect for them, that they are learning at a great speed and some things take time and practice. Tell your child that they are doing really well, give useful feedback. Praise the effort not the result.

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The Keys to Effective Discipline

The most important and most difficult chapter in parenting refers to discipline. Parents will deal with their child's behaviour problems differently, however, educational psychology breaks parenting styles down to four distinct categories: neglectful, indulgent, authoritative and authoritarian.

Longitudinal studies show that the authoritative parenting style, also defined as balanced and assertive-democratic, has had more success more than any other parenting style listed above. This unchallenged success in due to promoting healthy principles that reinforce good behaviour in children while gradually eliminating negative influences without limiting their freedom of expression and innate exploring instincts. Authoritative parenting allows us to see discipline as a five-steps-process:

1. Set out limits and rules

Begin with letting your children know the standards you set and the expectations that you have from them. Then continue with deconstructing each goal into subcomponents or basic rules of achievement. While as a parent you can set firm limits and controls on your children's actions, remember that you also need to encourage independence, free exploration and self-reliance. The most important part of this stage is actually finding the right balance between limits and freedom. Freedom without limitations equals indulgence or neglect, and limitations without freedom leads to an authoritarian parenting style.

2. Follow through and re-adapt

The second step to an effective discipline program is monitoring your children's behaviour and evaluating the results. Figure out to which degree they comply with your rules. This activity should be done on a daily basis, preferably ending with a small discussion with your children about what they are doing right and what can be improved. Listen carefully to your children's input on each rule and take into consideration their suggestions to improving the system. It is essential that you make them feel that they are the key changing factor, that you trust their judgement and decision-making.

3. Be Consistent

Thirdly, punishing misbehavior has to be done consistently and in a measured manner. Avoid reprimanding arbitrarily or violently, and always point out what your children have done to deserve the punishment. Create a list of things that your children do not enjoy doing, from least to most dreaded, and apply them after a careful analysis, making sure that the punishment fits the crime.

4. Give praise

The forth step encourages parents to reinforce positive behaviour and actions by giving praise whenever children to the right thing. Needless to say, parental responsiveness includes being aware of the child's progress and acting accordingly when he/she displays the desired behaviour. This step ensures that your child is verbally awarded and is given recognition for his/her efforts, both essential to building self-esteem.

5. Stay calm

All things considered, change starts with improving yourself first before trying to make a difference in the world. Thus, as a parent you must set out a positive model when handling stressful or difficult situations. Be calm no matter how much your children test your patience!

Abigail Simmons is Author of Positive Parenting Secrets Book. She has helped many parents solve their parenting problem using her practical positive parenting techniques. To learn more about her parenting tips and techniques, please visit http://www.101ParentingResources.com

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