This Family Conversation Builds Character in Kids

Jessica's Dilemma:

When Jessica saw the ugly red "F" on her math test, her stomach sunk like a rock. 'I've failed again,' she thought. Jessica crumpled up her test and hid it deep in her backpack.

Later that night, her mother called out from the kitchen, "Jess, how was the test?" "We didn't have it," Jessica yelled back.

Her mother didn't see the burning red flush on Jessica's face. 'I've flunked 3 math tests in a row. Mom will find out when we get our report cards on Friday.'

As her tears soaked her pillow that night, Jessica felt the push to tell the truth but fear pulled her back. 'Mom always says honesty is easier than lying. But I can't tell mom. She trusts me. She'll know I've lied.' Hours passed before she fell into a restless sleep.

Meaningful Talks with Kids:

Most kids have felt the guilt of fibbing to get out of trouble. Sometimes they come clean and tell the truth. When they do, they feel better if their parents compliment their honesty. If parents go into a rage, kids are likely to keep lying. Discussing Jessica' situation can help them decide to become more truthful. Parents need to be kind and rational in their approach.

Questions to Ask Children:

Gather your kids together and read Jessica's problem. Then discuss these questions:

1. What is Jessica's problem?

2. What could Jessica do to make things worse?

3. What could she do to fix her problem?

4. If you were Jessica, what would you do? Why?

Make sure each child gets time to share their own ideas. Don't judge out loud. If one child gives unsatisfactory answers, talk with him privately. Ask him more questions to get him to think more wisely.

Caring:

In this story your child can put herself in Jessica's shoes. She can feel what Jessica feels. She understands Jessica's dilemma. She knows the right thing to do. She also knows it's hard for Jessica to tell the truth because she's already lied. This is empathy.

Solutions:

When your child brainstorms how Jessica could fix her dilemma, she is problem solving. If she decides what she would do if she were Jessica, she is preparing for a time when she might be in a similar dilemma. Since she has already thought through the problem, it is hoped she'll follow her own best advice.

Becoming Socially Aware:

Family conversations about problem stories help children realize that others have similar feelings to their own. Discussions with siblings help them see how family members might think differently. This is the beginning of social awareness.

Conclusion:

Don't just talk about schedules. Talk about morals and values with stories your kids can relate to. Use problem stories for family discussions to teach empathy, problem solving, and social awareness. Find out what your children think. The fact that you listen well will please them. They'll think, 'when I talk, my parents listen.' You'll be building character too.

Jean Tracy invites you to view this short video for your family discussions: Character Building: Stories for Family Discussions It promotes empathy, social awareness, and problem solving in kids. Now available on Amazon.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jean_Tracy

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Working Together As a Family

There is no possible way that I could do all the work involved with running our household of seven. The amount of laundry alone is a week-long chore. Add to that all of the meal prep, dishes, yardwork, and necessary house cleaning.

One person could never do it all. So, we work together as a family.

Each one of us is responsible for everyday chores, and we all pitch in when there is a larger project to complete.

The chores are divided up by age and ability. Our older kids can do the dishwasher, sweep and vacuum, and help with meals and laundry. Our middle child folds towels and feeds our cat. Even the twins help out by cleaning up their toys and making their beds. Each one of our kids has a chore chart hanging on the bulletin board by our back door. They are responsible for completing it every day in order to earn thirty minutes of electronics (Wii, Xbox, or other video games).

Our household would fall apart without everyone pitching in. When we all do our part, the work gets done quickly and without confusion over whose job it is. By completing the chore lists early in the day, we are free to work on schoolwork and other things during the day. We can take a trip to the library in the afternoon, or we can bake cookies. We can go on a hike or play outdoors. With the work not hanging over our heads, we can have fun time together as a family.

Having designated chores helps everyone feel like he or she is a contributing member of this family. Responsibility breeds ownership. Our kids take pride in their work, and they do a great job. Each person is essential to the overall success of this family.

As a mother, I am helping my children learn how to run a household. Someday they will need these skills to contribute to their own families. My children are learning to cook, clean, do laundry, work in the yard, and help their younger siblings. These skills are just as important as the skills they are learning from schoolwork and the various classes they take. It also takes a load off me. We moms tend to take on the whole world and then wonder why we feel so frustrated and overwhelmed. I have learned to delegate. Delegating these chores is a win-win for our family.

Carrie Sharpe and her husband, Ryan, write a weekday blog called "He says, She says" (http://www.ryancarriesharpe.com). After their son, Maverick, almost died at birth they began public speaking to share their story with others in a way of giving encouragement and hope. They have spoken to a wide range of audiences across the United States and Canada. They live in beautiful Northern Michigan with their five children: Madison, Maguire, Maverick, Marin, and Moxie-Mae.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carrie_L_Sharpe

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Emotional Abuse and Family Violence - Why Does He Pick on Our Little Boy?

I often hear battered women talk about the abuse they witness between their intimate partners and their minor children. Many of these women blame themselves for the ongoing emotional abuse that they observe. It's as though the children cannot do anything right in their father's eyes. And the mother senses her partner's jealousy... and faults herself for him feeling it.

Her claim is that if she only reassured him more of her love for him, then he would not pick on the child as much. My belief is that this thinking keeps her in a dangerous loop and is far from her truth, much less his.

Why the Ongoing Emotional Abuse, Anyway

The little boy cannot sit right at the dinner table. He holds his eating utensils improperly. He makes unnecessary noise when he chews his food. He does not chew his food long enough, or maybe he chews it too long.

His hair is a mess... and his t-shirt is stained with signs of earlier outdoor play. He talks too loud... or too fast. He may even stutter. He knows whatever he does, or whatever he is in the moment, it will not be right in his father's eyes.

His mother takes him in as though he is perfect and well deserving of her unconditional love. As he gets this love from her, the "picking" begins... from father to son.

It appears to have more to do with the father's experience of the child receiving his mother's love unconditionally. There is an envy there that goes well beyond his outward jealously of the child having more of mommy's affections than he.

It feels more like an envy that this little child is getting what the father failed to receive as a little boy. The jealousy is over the unconditional love from the past, not in the present. And this is why the mother cannot impact her partner's experience.

It is between the father and his memory of the mothering he received growing up. The vulnerability this grown man feels is triggered by the defenselessness he felt as a little boy at the mercy of his abusive parent. And this vulnerability in turn triggers his picking on his innocent vulnerable son.

Who Is Responsible for Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Abuse

The only person that can break this cycle of abuse between father and son is the father. The child certainly can't, and the mother is unable to control this dynamic, as well.

If you are at the dinner table with your abusive partner and catch him constantly picking on your child, see this dynamic for what it is. It's probably not about you, or your relationship with your partner. It is also not about your little boy. More likely it is about the little boy that remains in your partner's psyche today.

For information on breaking the cycle of domestic abuse in your relationship, visit www.preventabusiverelationships.com/spousal_abuse_tx.php and find freedom from abuse. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide end and heal from domestic abuse. ©Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jeanne_King,_Ph.D.

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Ten Minute Family Clean-Ups

I don't know about you, but in our house we have the best of intentions when it comes to picking up and cleaning. I've never been able to pinpoint the exact time, but somewhere along the way, our good intentions get sidetracked, which quickly spirals to laziness, blame and complete and utter lack of motivation.

We live in a bi-level home that doesn't have much storage. To be exact, we have roughly one square inch of storage, give or take. That said, our kids' rooms can quickly get overrun and all encompassing, making them seem like daunting tasks to tackle.

In a midst of genius and desperation, I came up with a stroke of genius - the 10 minute family clean-up. Let me say that when I announced this concept I was sure it would immediately crash and burn. Much to my surprise and joy, the kids were excited and even motivated! The only way this works is because all four of us were doing our 10 minute clean-up at the exact same time. No one can say "boo" if we're all working together at the same time. We make it enjoyable by playing upbeat music - sometimes we take requests prior to the start of the 10 minutes.

Now I know 10 minutes is not much time. But, when four people are all working at the same time, 40 minutes worth of work is accomplished each night in 10 minute increments giving us 70 minutes each week per person. In that short amount of time, we get close to 5 hours worth of cleaning done between the four of us. What does that equate to? One weekend worth of cleaning by your average mom. Since we are accomplishing this task in 10 minutes each day, we are able to fully enjoy the weekend instead of spending it dusting, cleaning and arguing about chores.

Admittedly, some times we go over our time. This is strictly by choice. When the timer goes off, we are done. And yes, to make it fair we use a timer. Since we have started our 10 minute clean-ups we have noticed an increase in family time, more relaxed weekends and a tidier home. What's not to love, right?

If this works for you, please let me know! Did you have any tweaks to make it a success for your family. Please share your experiences! I always love to hear what works for you and your family!

I came up with a stroke of genius - the 10 minute family clean-up. Let me say that when I announced this concept I was sure it would immediately crash and burn. Much to my surprise and joy, the kids were excited and even motivated...

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kelly_S_Santaguida

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