Firstly, make sure you have a good relationship with your child before you ever try to discipline them. Discipline should always be from a base of love and understanding. If you do not listen to your child, don't expect them to listen to you. Parenting is a two way street. We need to establish a relationship of trust with our children. They need to know that we are available to talk to them when they need to talk about things.
You might need to develop an interest in things they are keen on, even if it is not your personal choice. I always try to read the sports pages of the newspaper so that I am up with the latest on soccer and rugby teams. Why? Because I know it matters to my three boys. By showing them that I have an interest in it I can connect with them much more readily. You see, I am coming into their world. My boys appreciate the fact that I know who is the captain of the Broncos and who got booted out for bad behaviour last week.
Another thing that is important is to talk when they want to talk. This is especially true of teenagers. Teenagers spend so much time with their peers and not so much with their parents that if your teen says "mum I need to talk about something", you need to grab hold of that opportunity. If your child wants to talk to you, you need to talk to them.
We also need to be prepared to talk to our kids about what matters to them. This is important, because often we think their idea of what to talk about is silly. But if it matters to your child it should matter to you. Once you can talk to your child about things that are important to them, you are more likely to get them talking back to you about things that matter to you.
Lastly, allow your child to negotiate for things with you. This is how the real world operates. Give your child the chance to earn things for good behaviour, just as you give them a consequence for bad behaviour. It needs to work both ways. Your child should understand exactly how to have something good happen to them. Tell them how they can get good consequences for doing good things. Don't leave them in the dark. Let them know clearly what the expectations are and what will happen if they go the extra mile for the family. A good parent will remember these things.
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